We were already late so I turned down the offer to stand in a queue to get popcorn so that I wouldn’t miss more of it. I don’t remember watching a movie in 2020 even before the Covid outbreak, did I catch a movie in Jan/Feb, I can’t remember. Therefore, I was excited to return to something fun and watching Gal Gadot on screen was a sweet way to end 2020. I know too many people are dissing WW 1984 but it wasn’t that bad and here’s why.
This year had been unprecedented and difficult for many which was the reason why WW 1984’s message was so important. If we ignore the ludicrousity of a wishing stone, of wishing to walk in heels and of bringing back dead people, the movie’s core message was poignant and relevant. We wish things could have been different, we wish things could have turned out better, we wish covid didn’t even happen in the first place, we wish we hadn’t quit that job in January, we wish fervently to change the past for the better. We wish we had this or that, we wish we didn’t have to go thru the nightmare. I too wish this covid didn’t happen but it did. While I have to admit very frankly that I was not as deeply devastated or hurt by the pandemic, the year did throw me into a weird disarray.
One of my biggest regrets was how I gave up searching for God this 2020. I had started off hopefully attending some classes, soaking in the whole feel of salawats and prayers and of the blessing only present in mosques and in congregations that were gathered to praise and remember Him. Then, Covid closed all doors and fizzled out the starting fires I had set up. Don’t ask me how Ramadan went because I don’t know what I did for a month. I ate and slept surrounded by a fog. An ocean stretches between God and me. I feel defeated by the weight of the waves, the weight of time that is dragging me down under. The ocean stretches blue as far as my eyes can see but that’s all I see. I can’t feel the coolness of the water running between my toes. I can’t feel His warmth. I can’t remember Him. How did it come to this.
I don’t know but all I do is to follow physical instructions of praying 5 times a day. Something > Nothing. If I continue keeping this physical connection alive, maybe it would lead me to Him spiritually. Maybe I can feel Him again. I feel frustrated because I had made progress at the start of the year and now I feel so distant from God. I don’t see the point of 2020 at all. But I accept it for it came from Him. I wish things had been different too however I accept all that came this 2020. This derailment came from Him. Hence, as WW says, even though you wish it had been different, you have to accept the past and the present.
Wishing you a good 2021!